


How Do I Respond?

by DefinitelyNotMe



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-03-29 06:13:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3885439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefinitelyNotMe/pseuds/DefinitelyNotMe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan had said, "You make me feel human." She needed to say something back to him, to let him know he was just as important. Takes place in ME1, right after the sex scene.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Do I Respond?

Shepard ran a hand through her hair, working out the knots and rinsing out the last of the conditioner. She wanted the hot water to calm her down but the words kept swimming around in her head. _You make me feel human._ The tension between herself and her Lieutenant had finally been released, but that sentence was sticking with her. Kaidan had been everything she had hoped he would be in bed and more. Even now, he was still right outside her door, sleeping in her bed, wrapped up in her sheets. It had all been so important, to both of them, but when he said that…she didn’t have a good response. 

She wasn’t even showering at this point. She was just standing in the hot water, zoned out, living that moment over and over again in her mind. _You make me feel human._ They had talked about his past before. That sentence was so important. And in the heat of the moment, with no proper response, she said something clever instead. _I can make you feel much more than that._ Alone, in the shower, she placed her hands over her face and mumbled, “That was so stupid. Why did I say that?”

In his own way, he may as well have just told her that he loved her. That she was so important to him, it brought him back to the way he should feel about himself. And with no time for thinking, she had made it about sex. Shepard was determined to fix this. She had to say something to him. Something to let him know he was just as important and not just another guy she slept with. She turned the water off, dried herself off a bit, wrapped the towel around herself and opened the door back to her quarters. 

Surprisingly, Kaidan was awake. He was propped up on her pillows, surfing something on the data pad she kept near her bed. He could have been looking through her past history searches for something good but all he was going to find from the last few weeks was Prothean history articles and files on other current Spectres. He looked up when she came into the room and his eyebrows rose when he noticed all she had on was a towel. “Good morning to you too.” 

No! No jokes. This was important. She had to get this out before she changed her mind. She sat down on the edge of the bed, facing him, but not making solid eye contact. “I want to tell you about when I went through N7 training.” 

Kaidan had no idea where this seriousness was coming from. Had he done something to upset her? He set the data pad down and gave her his full attention. “Sure, Shepard. Go ahead.”

She pushed a wet strand of hair behind her ear, took a nervous breathe in, sighed, and started the story. “I met my first N7 when I was 14, living on the SSV Einstein with my mom. He was on board for a tour, nothing special. What stuck out to me was that he was only a lieutenant and he commanded the respect of an admiral. When I saw how much respect everyone had for N7 members, I wanted in. I spent the next 4 years doing everything I could to make myself look like the best recruit and when I sent in my submissions to enlist into the program, I was accepted in less than a week." 

"It was everything to me. It was my goal to get there. There were 15 of us that enrolled into the N1 program that year. Those 6 weeks down on Vila Militar just to achieve my N1, were grueling. We were up for 20 hours a day, running drills, combat scenarios, and figuring out just how far we could push ourselves. It was the last day, we were running this death trap of an obstacle course and when I finished both of my training instructors stood there to congratulate me. Only 6 of us graduated. We were told we had the rest of the day to eat, sleep, shower, whatever we wanted to do, just make sure we showed up to the graduation ceremony the next morning."

"I felt nothing.” Kaidan was barely breathing, clinging to every word. He didn’t know where this was going. She pressed on, “The next morning, I felt nothing. At the graduation ceremony, I felt nothing. After all that, years of readying myself, and then those six weeks of training…I thought I would feel something. Anything. Like, running across the finish line of a long race, or a sense of accomplishment when the last group of promoted N7’s came and shook our hands. But I didn’t. Instead I felt like, this had been life the whole time. It wasn't different, or new, it was the same.

"When I made N7 for my efforts during the Skyllian Blitz, I felt nothing. When I realized how many members of my squad I had lost on Torfan but people were still calling me a hero, I felt nothing. When I pinned on Commander, I felt nothing. Hell, even when I found out Anderson had hand selected me for the Normandy I didn’t feel anything. Not once in my entire Alliance career have I felt like I truly achieved something."

"But last night…” She finally stopped looking at her hands and looked at Kaidan. He looked concerned but remained silent. It took Shepard a minute to get herself back together so she didn’t cry. She licked her lips and ran a nervous hand through her hair. “Last night, when you kissed me…I felt like I had finally crossed the finish line, in the race I had been running. When you stayed with me all night, I felt like I could finally relax.” 

He couldn’t take it. He got his legs out from under the covers and moved to the edge of the bed where she was sitting. Kaidan put an arm around her shoulder and she leaned into it. It was taking everything in her not to break down in this moment. It took a few staggered breaths to get the lump out of her throat. When it was gone she raised a hand to his face, ran her fingers across his cheek, and let her fingers tangle into his hair.

At this point her voice was barely more than a whisper. “You told me that I make you feel human. Kaidan, you make me feel like I’ve accomplished something.” There wasn’t anything else to say. His lips were on hers, before they trailed down her neck, easing her down, removing the towel, and continuing down across her chest. It was remarkable what that kind of emotion could do to people. She wrapped her legs around his hips, sighing words of satisfaction and approval as he moved inside of her. 

Minutes before she had come out of the shower to begin with, Kaidan had been over thinking what he said to her. _You make me feel human._ Why did he say that? Thinking back on it, it sounded so silly. Now, with Shepard reaching her climax, pulling at his hair to bring his lips back down to her neck, it didn’t seem so silly after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback welcome!


End file.
